Here's what happens when we invite ourselves to Baby Cambridge's birth

We've waited nine long months for this moment. Poured over pictures of Kate's stomach in a futile attempt to find the meaning and purpose of royalty. Congratulated ourselves when we've read too much into Kate's words and actions, been chastened when video footage has proved us all wrong.



Things that go ping!

Now. Now it is the big day! And lucky us, we have invited ourselves to the Royal Birth - 2013!

[Cue network momentous occasion music]

For the next interminable hours the world will be in labor with Kate, following each contraction. Networks providing exhaustive, commercial free coverage of one of the most intimate moments in a woman's life.  Sonorous voiced commentators drowned out by Kate begging for pain killers and blaming William for putting her through this. We will learn new medical terminology and expensive medical equipment will go *ping!* We will discuss what Kate's hospital gown is made of. Is it too short? Too long? What is on trend for hospital gowns anyways? If anyone can make a open backed hospital gown trendy it is Kate. Manufacturers will rejoice! Designers create replicas for the runway. Forget buying one, the gowns will be sold out before the baby takes its first breath.

All will finally be revealed on this day. Is it a boy? Is it a Girl? Place your final bets before the baby emerges. The camera pans in for a close up view to ensure this is indeed the legal heir. Baby Cambridge's first blurry eyed view will not be of his/her parents but of an invasive public waiting for the umbilical cord to be cut so we can coo while the media feasts on every inch of Baby Cambridge. We will observe the new parents attempt to shield their newborn while a public gross sense of entitlement wrestles with royal prerogative.

The Royal tradition machine will kick into gear. Bells will ring across the land as gun salutes take place. Hello! compiles its fifth commemorative royal birth collectors edition. Cash registers ring. Republicans will scoff. Monarchists will fawn. The Royal Poet Laureate composes verse few will pay attention to. As royal watchers all the while marvel and disavow the circus we helped to create.

© Marilyn Braun 2013

Thank you for enjoying this article. If you use the information for research purposes, a link to credit the work I've put into writing it would be appreciated.

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Prince Harry and Cressida Bonas: How to Ruin a Royal Romance

Ah love....

There is nothing like a royal romance. The pattern is predictable: the media goes into hot-pursuit with intrusive coverage, the couple attempt to avoid being photographed together, unflattering paparazzi photos, hunting down any little scrap of titillating information, digging up embarrassing details and ex-boyfriends. All for our entertainment. Let's see just how far she can be chased before she runs for the hills. No matter if she does, just repeat the pattern with the next one.

Reportedly dating since last July, Prince Harry went public with his affection for Cressida while skiing in Verbier. Like all royal girlfriends, we know as much as the media digs up. Prince Harry's new girlfriend, Cressida Bonas is a socialite, model, dancer, former skiing instructor, Leeds University graduate and has a half-sister, Isabella Calthorpe, who rumor has it, caught Prince William's eye. Give it a year and we will have books about Cressida and a royal wedding mug with her engaged to the wrong prince. It almost makes you wonder how royal princes ever get married in the first place. The woman in question has to be strong and determined enough withstand the pressures, not only from the press but also potentially from a fickle prince who cannot make up his mind. As we have seen with Sophie, Countess of Wessex and Kate, it could be years before an announcement takes place.

Cressida ticks off the boxes for royal bride material. She is young, pretty and has an aristocratic background. Her mother is Lady Mary Gaye Curzon, daughter of the 6th Earl Howe and reportedly a descendant of King Charles II. The aristocratic connection is enough to deem her eminently suitable to royal watchers. But are Harry and Cressida compatible? With the prospect of another royal wedding, does it even matter? Marriage may be the furthest thing from Harry or Cressida's minds, but still the media, reading too much into their body language and quoting 'sources', touts her as 'the one'.

Will the intense media interest in their relationship derail it?

That's for Harry and Cressida to decide.

© Marilyn Braun 2013

Thank you for enjoying this article. If you use the information for research purposes, a link to credit the work I've put into writing it would be appreciated.

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Giving Catherine Cambridge a chance is hard, but someone has to do it

There are many ways in which Catherine cannot win.

• There's her dress sense. (Too long, too short, too safe, too expensive, too cheap, seen too often..)

• Then there's her looks. (She's too thin, Does she have extensions? what's with the sausage curls and hyena grin?)

• Not to mention questions about her marriage and 'commoner' family background (Catherine is nothing more than a social climber who duped William into marrying her..)

• Then there's her role within the royal family (Is she a senior royal or not? Her job is to give birth to an heir, why isn't she working more?)

• Comparisons to other royals (Is she the new Diana? Look at the Queen, 86 years old. What is Catherine's excuse?)

• As well as what she does in her spare time (Shopping, getting her hair done, vacations...)

• Then there is the media with their 'everything Catherine touches turns to gold articles'.  Their relentless focus on Catherine's appearance to the exclusion of everything else. Along with a complete inability to write an article that directly criticizes her. Even if that criticism is valid.

Recently Catherine has slowly increased her duties. Instead of hearing that she is doing things 'behind the scenes' we are actually seeing her carry out royal duties in public. It is something that many Kate critics have waited a long time for, myself included. But there's also cynicism. Will she increase her engagements or will she go on a luxury vacation after doing four of them? How can we know for sure? Will we be disappointed by her yet again?

That cynicism is very apparent in the aftermath of her royal duties. It is as if people can't make up their minds. Despite wanting her to do more engagements, when she does do one, people criticize the type of engagement (too frivolous, not serious enough). If the engagement is a serious one, people will find something else to criticize her for.  Case in point: Despite doing a great job during her visit to Child Bereavement UK,  people criticized the length of her hemline. Then there's the motive behind the engagement. Is it a genuine visit or just damage control?  St James's Palace's tendency to release engagement information on the heels of negative public opinion is suspicious. But is this can't always be the case, can it?

Given the amount of goodwill from the royal wedding, Catherine could have hit the ground running. But she didn't. There was a two year grace period filled with stops and starts and unpredictable engagements. Nothing consistent. Is it really any wonder that people are cynical about Catherine now?

It seems Catherine can't win regardless of what she does, it almost makes you wonder why she bothers to leave the house. But then people would probably complain about that too! Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion about Catherine. Having said that, there's a difference between criticizing her and putting her in an impossible situation by tearing her down no matter what she does.

Catherine has a fantastic platform to make a difference. With the increase in engagements, let's hope this is a sign she plans to do something with it.

© Marilyn Braun 2013

Thank you for enjoying this article. If you use the information for research purposes, a link to credit the work I've put into writing it would be appreciated.

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